1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
