Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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