you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
