i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
