chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
