The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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