just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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