there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
