So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
