So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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