I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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