It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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