she was so not down for the gang bang
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
