I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
worst night to have a conscience
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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