She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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