i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
