One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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