You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
