you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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