Moan for me like Helen Keller
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
