i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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