once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
