dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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