My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
