I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
