I love black thongs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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