i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
