I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
