I didn't shave. On purpose
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
