my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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