I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
