you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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