i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
