please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
