if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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