He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
