I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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