He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
