she looked like the before picture.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is the high leading the old right now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
