things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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