I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
