Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
