do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
