every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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