Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
