Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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