When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize