TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
