I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
