I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
