Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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