Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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