I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
