I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
