he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
