shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
