you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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