Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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