Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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