Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize