Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
