I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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