I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
