he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
