I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
