so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
