i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
