So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
