I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
