I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
