Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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