my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
