We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize